At age 68, my mother, a life-long non-smoker who had seldom even been near second-hand smoke, was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was thought that surgery would remove the small spot and surrounding lung lobe; the outlook was good for totally removing the cancer and recovery. However, she acquired Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome and died shortly after the surgery.
Later when my sisters and I were readying her house for sale, we had to go through every drawer, closet, and storage space. Know what we found? New unused clothing with the tags attached. New unused towels and sheets with sales receipts. Barely used “good china” along with the seldom used Irish wool blanket I’d given her decades ago.
My mother was a frugal but not miserly woman. She lived carefully within her means and enjoyed her possessions. Underneath her actions was a driving philosophy of “save it for good” that led to leaving behind unused and barely used treasures that could have brought her pleasure during her life--waiting for something unknown and undefined. I don’t know whether this philosophy was born in the Great Depression or part of life beliefs carried across the sea from Scot Irish ancestors and instilled into generations of Shenandoah Valley residents.
I thought about the joy and pleasure she had missed from not using these obviously treasured belongings—waiting for some undefined “good” in some unknown future time.
While there is merit in this philosophy which can extend the useful lifetime of a piece of clothing or teach one the benefits of not always choosing instant gratification, there is also an element of fear of “not enough” and a concern that everyday living is “not worthy” of the best that life has to offer.
Like many aging children, I thought I have enough time and distance to have carefully chosen which childhood mantras, beliefs, and teachings I follow. However, I’ve come to question whether I, too, have not unknowingly followed the “save it for good” philosophy.
During the past year, my husband and I, like many Boomers, have faced life threatening illness and accidents, loss of jobs and income, distress within the extended family, and concerns about the future of our family and our nation. I’m trying to determine the optimal balance for me between work and home. Big decisions are required. So I’ve been reviewing my own actions and life philosophies. Know what I learned?
I, too, have been “saving it for good” in many ways. Yes, I realized I was delaying wearing certain items of clothing or jewelry, waiting for increasingly less frequent “special” occasions. There are some linens and decorations that have been stored away waiting for “company.”
But more insidious than delaying my enjoyment of these belongings, is the creeping thought process that can delay action in other parts of my life.
I had procrastinated resuming yoga classes—waiting until I was in perfect condition. Sometimes there’s the thought that I must wait until my spirituality is “perfect” before advancing prayer or meditation practice or joining a group.
Looking in my closet, I rediscovered a beautiful handmade, brilliantly colored blue poncho that I had purchased in Ecuador nine years ago—seldom worn. I’ve been “saving it for good” waiting for some worthy occasion! There are a couple of beautiful jeweled rings and a couple of pairs of earrings that have been languishing unworn in the jewelry box.
Well, I am not a frivolous spendthrift nor do I abuse my belongings. These treasured items bring me joy just by looking at them and it makes me smile to wear them, so I am now wearing them without waiting for a big occasion. It’s ok to wear the earrings and rings and beautiful poncho to the grocery store or to yoga class.
I’m no longer waiting until I’m perfect to express my spiritual beliefs, prayer practice or meditation. I resumed my yoga classes and am regaining my strength.
The “good” is every day. Every day is good. I can enjoy NOW without fear of being undeserving or unworthy. “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad.”
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